


We are all animals

by othersin



Series: demon baphomet and the bird-brain archangel [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Biblical References, Demon Aziraphale (Good Omens), Demon forms, Fallen Angel Aziraphale (Good Omens), Female-Presenting Aziraphale (Good Omens), M/M, Reverse Omens, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Snippets, everything is reversed, short bits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:01:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24254053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/othersin/pseuds/othersin
Summary: In where the more animalistic sides of the angel and demon cause problems that they need to solve.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: demon baphomet and the bird-brain archangel [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680046
Kudos: 73





	We are all animals

* * *

Crowley squinted at the large buck that was in a pen – quite a large creature that looked like it was regretting the situation it found itself in quite immensely. A wild goat that was caught due to the trouble he caused, spooking the other animals – the land hardened human that caught him found it quite easy to track as his curling and wicked looking horns had been caught in the brambles as the creature went lurking down the hillside.

Crowley knew right away that it was not mortal, the issue with the apple still ripe in his mind – and with the second generation of the humans the earthbound angel would not allow anything to go wrong for Cain and Abel.

“This buck had been causing trouble, but he will make a fine sacrifice to the almighty” Cain said proudly.

“Well, I guess…” Crowley mumbled out, he highly doubted that the mortal would be able to harm the other but judging by the state the other was in – the demon had been severely weakened by some divine force.

“You guess?” Cain repeated back.

“I heard that Abel was going to sacrifice his plumpest ewe” Crowley began, gold eyes darting to one of the first children of Adam and Eve and to the goat that was bleating as though the buck could understand exactly what the human was planning on doing – the angel was certain that the blue eyed, long-ebony haired goat knew exactly what the human was going to do with that not quite mortal blade he borrowed from his father.

“Is he now…” Cain tone shifted at the mention of his brother, a little darker but it seemed to disappear before the angel could worry about it any further.

“As an animal is already going to be sacrificed, perhaps you can offer…” Crowley paused - waving his hand in a flippant manner as he searched for the most appropriate word, “Some variety?”

“Variety?”

“After all, you don’t have meat without potatoes – surely the almighty would be a little disappointed with two very similar animals.” Crowley rambled, he highly doubted that God cared that much about the creatures the humans decided to offer as sacrifices. Truth be told, as far as he was aware the sacrifices were treated as the strange gifts a guest offered to a host for welcoming them into their home.

Having a demon sacrificed in the name of god was something that seemed like inherently bad idea, Crowley could only imagine the paper work both heaven and hell would need to do.

“I never thought about that…” Cain muttered, staring thoughtfully at the earth-bound angel, the angel grasping the other’s shoulders and roughly directed the human away from the goat – in his entrapment he headbutted against the strangely sturdy fence.

“The wheat grows tall and proud, the chicory is lush, the cucumbers are abundant and the watermelons are sweet…” Crowley said, directing the young man to the neighbouring field that was Cain’s pride and joy.

“Do you think the Almighty would appreciate such an offering?” Cain asked thoughtfully.

“Sure, better than a smelly mountain goat.” Crowley grinned, Cain smiled back.

The goat bleated in offence at the angel calling him smelly, dragging his hoof though the loose dirt and huffed. Cain took the Angel’s advice and left the goat alone to cut up his prized crop instead of the angry goat.

Crowley had waited until the human was out of ear shot, his golden eyes flashing as the goat got a little closer – the creature seemed to be glaring at the guised angel.

“Y’know, perhaps I should have let him sacrifice you to the almighty.”

The goat bleated.

“But sacrificing one of the fallen…after the debacle with the apple, I don’t want anything bad to happen.”

The demon turned goat just headbutted the fence where the angel was standing making the other jump back a bit.

The goat huffed and shook its long black hair.

“That was rude.” Crowley grumbled, but he had unwound the latch of the pen, “If you didn’t want to be forced in that weakened state, you should’ve known that Ligur placed wards around the land which the humans live in.”

The goat trotted out; tail flicked up – still annoyed.

“You should leave before they figure out who or what tripped the ward.” Crowley grumbled out, the earth-bound arch angel looking the other way as the other cast him a look – almost as though the other was expecting to be smote by the angel with hair of fire.

“If you don’t leave, I will strike you where you stand.” Crowley belatedly warned, though he doubted he could even hurt a demon – especially looking like one of gods innocent creatures at this point, “I will not allow you to cast a shadow on those young boys’ futures.”

The other cast one further disparaging look, but the glint of a wry smile in those blue eyes – the pupils horizontal and generally quite uneasy to maintain eye contact with had turned away, the goat darted off. The wild goat returned to the hillside and hopefully heeding the advice of the Angel, leaving the earthly plain and returning back to the infernal.

Yep, everything is going to go perfectly fine now.

* * *

Aziraphale sat on a wicker chair, under shelter – watching as the rain pelted down around the scattered houses to close to the swelling river side, he became trapped in due to the poor weather, rainy season in the province of Hanoi.

The demon had mixed feelings about Vietnam, it was too hot, and too moist – he drowned his sorrows with the local and imported liquor and the interesting cuisine. The demon had become quite partial to the spices of India when he followed the English like a greedy shadow, and following the French in the same way to Vietnam - the country had the most marvelous soups and chewy rice noodle – becoming quite partial to the seafood and tripe filled broths during his time here.

The food might be wet seasons saving grace which led him to a restaurant that was spoken highly of by one of the locals, never mind the fact the owner of said establishment was missing a few fingers and teeth but he had such a happy face in light of the French invaders.

Aziraphale shared the strong rice wine with the handsome local man that had agreed to teach the demon the language (not really needed, both angel and demon could speak in all manner of tongues) if Aziraphale taught him French and English.

Aziraphale didn’t really have anything else to do, the French were quite good at fucking up a perfectly peaceful country all by their lonesome without the overseeing of an old goat. He took the time to explore the countryside and had come across the eighteen-year-old fisherman, Giang.

The young boy had leapt at the opportunity to better himself, ambition and all that – Aziraphale always had a soft spot for those who seek knowledge, even more so when they looked lovely by his arm or in his bed.

The demon was partial to pretty things, and the other had such a lovely complexion and lean body and a genuine good will that reminded the demon of a certain angel.

“Most foreigners wouldn’t even enter this place.” Giang muttered.

“I’m not like all foreigners, then am I?” Aziraphale laughed softly, the small cups of rice wine flowed freely – he was quite fond of it, but not as high as quality as the sake he had when he was in Japan a couple of years ago. Yet again, a demon causing unrest was unneeded with how well the British arriving went over with the Emperor, Shoguns and their samurai at the time – as the years passed it seemed humans were getting better at messing things up themselves without a demon to prod them along.

It frankly gave the demon all this free time that he could spend enjoying the unusual foods and company he came across. But the full implication of what Giang meant came in the form of the elderly restaurant owner, limping to where they were sitting to show off a hissing basket with something writhing in the bamboo confines.

“A fat one was caught fresh.” Giang spoke, looking quite excited – the man’s toothless smile greeted him as he pulled up the lid and pulled out the winding ivory and gold speckled coils. Aziraphale stared at the striking golden eyes of the serpent, the sluggish and almost drunk looking snake looked awfully familiar to the demon.

“It’ll be such a treat, he will make a delicious snake soup – its heart and bile will be used too, good for virility.”

“…” Aziraphale had risen the cup to sip the exact moment the other decided to proudly show him what was on the menu, the clear liquor missed his mouth and drip down the side of his mouth.

“We’ll cut the still beating heart and drink it as a shot” Giang said excited.

“Wait, hold on…” Aziraphale’s mouth twitched a little, the toothless owner of the snake restaurant grinned happily – raising the drunk guised angel gleefully, a curved blade being raised to gut him.

Now the spontaneous bursting of the other hanging baskets in the establishment, the mix of creatures and other reptiles making their panicked escapes may have the cloven hooves of a certain demonic miracle to thank – and the demon may have punched a toothless man in the face and stole the ivory snake.

Giang watched stunned at the chaos that erupted around them as the demon made haste to flee with snake in tow – confusion marring his handsome face, shifting in horror as his foreign friends snake shifted into a drunk pale man with flaming red hair being carried with ease back into the thick rain forest and growth.

* * *

* * *

Crowley, or the charming gardener Tony was playing chaperone to the Governess Fell with the little boy of the name of Adam – the Anti-Christ.

They had decided to go to a little farm that had a petting zoo with baby animals, humans did so love baby animals – apparently the son of the devil did too.

Aziraphale had shifted into a no-nonsense governess, her female form carrying the extra weight on her in the hips and breast area – her buttoned blouse and pencil skirt made her look the part of a stern school mam, stockings and kitten heels completing her look. Her hair, as it normally did when presenting with longer hair or a female form had been curled at the side neatly - it always fell in the same way her goat horns curled when her form shifted to that closer to her demon form.

“Look at all the baby goats!” Crowley pointed out to the child in the petting zoo, the little boy holding a cup of feed for the many animals – the kids belted at the child briefly but turned their attention to the guised demon with her sunglasses covering her unsettling goat eyes.

They approached her, Aziraphale took a wary step back – raising a finger to the slowly surrounding five young goats like one would to human children.

“No.” The demon said sternly, it seemed to still the goats for a moment – but it didn’t last as the five kids decided the guised demon was their new mother and made chase.

Crowley had been in charge of taking photos for the boy’s parents for their day trip but the picture with the demon being attacked and chewed on by fluffy goat kids was part of Crowley’s own collection.

* * *

The reptile show was a bad idea, the gardener was roped into assisting the party outside – Adam grew out of baby animals and fluffy things, the boy was starting to like reptiles and spiders. So, the doting human parents of the anti-christ had organised a reptile show for the boy.

The boa constrictor the reptile keeper had for display was awfully excited when Crowley had been nominated by Aziraphale (the smirking she-goat) to be his assistant for the day – the boa constrictor was really friendly.

“Crikey, I’ve never seen her so excited before!” The ranger muttered, Australian accent lilting in his tone. Crowley grinned uncomfortably as the large female continued to coil around him – the snaky thoughts from the mindless creature was a little alarming with how often ‘mate’ was repeated and the angel attempted to ignore it lest he ruined the little boys party.

Aziraphale grinned, raising the camera to take a picture.

* * *

Thanks for reading, if you liked leave a kudos/comment


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